Since it is much easier to indicate motes in others' eyes
than to notice beams in one's own, I will now try to
translate a piece of artistic prose. Prepare your brushes,
for motes are going to come aplenty. Besides the general
clumsiness of my rendition, I am lost in tenses, weak in
vocabulary, and often have a hard time linking a couple of
words into a phrase, let alone composing a sentence.
Translating an accomplished writer is more difficult than
expressing one's own simple thoughts. I will be greateful
if you indicate, and help me correct, my errors and
stylistic blunders and screamers:

Lying on wet snow in wait of a near death, Bianca suddenly
remembered the smell of her mother woven from weak, barely
recalled odours: of her warm thick milk, of dry hay with
patches of withered bluebottles, of smokily smoldering
folliage that people burned at their summer houses that very
first autumn of her commencing life.

The odour of smoldering leaves was one of the very first,
and therefore special: pungent, thick, comprising all that
the brief earthly life of any leaf can have imbided: from a
sticky button shooting towards warmth unto a doomed descent
to the cold body of the earth. Late September was pining
away, and the trees were shedding leaves all around. The
mapple covered the still green grass with a lush mandarine
blanket. Lazily yet somehow in concert, the poplars shaked
off their last ashen fluff. The old willow, whose bole only
three men could embrace, littered the ground with its tiny
leaves inelegantly and widely (? -- too wide around?). But
in sunny places rowan trees were still posing daintily,
clothed in dim purple, the heavy bunches of their berries
slightly touched by nightly colds, whereas a light yolkish
yellow entwined the tremulous aspens.

The short train of lucid days would pass all too soon,
cloudy mirk for long would cover the azure of the sky,
frequent rains would soak the trees to their very cores and
the gusty northern wind would tear off the last leaves and
carry them off into the dirt, the puddles, the decay. Then
winter would come. Endless. Cold.

But Binca had not known winter, nor had she seen summer.
Having come into the world in the beginning of September,
she perceived autumn as the eternal state of the world
around her.

The sun caressed her shut eyes with its warm beams, filling
with pink light the thin films of the (or her?) eyelids.
She felt the kindness of that light, and her commencing life
promised her -- a small God's creature -- love great and
interminable.

Her mother she did not know either. By touch and strong
smell she found her rough nipples and fell to them, sucking
the milk greedily, choking, and without an idea of its
source. She felt constant hunger and hurried to satiate it.

In the first days, she slept a lot biside her mother,
partaking in her warmth. Whenever her mother left, she
wouild call for her in weak, barely audible squeals. Then
her brothers and sisters would follow suit and whine
plaintively. And the mother would return. Carefully, lest
she should harm the puppies, she would lay herself beside
them.

---
* Origin: nntps://fidonews.mine.nu - Lake Ylo - Finland (2:221/6.0)

I wrote:

Lying on wet snow in wait of a near death, Bianca
suddenly emembered [...]

`near' does not sound well to me, but am hard put to find
one that fits the intended meaning of a death that will come
soon. A quick death may be misunderstood as having a short
duration.

---
* Origin: nntps://fidonews.mine.nu - Lake Ylo - Finland (2:221/6.0)

Hi, Anton Shepelev : All!
I read your message from 04.07.2019 02:00

Since it is much easier to indicate motes in others' eyes than to
notice beams in one's own, I will now try to translate a piece of artistic prose. Prepare your brushes, for motes are going to come aplenty. Besides the general clumsiness of my rendition, I am lost
in tenses, weak in vocabulary, and often have a hard time linking a
couple of words into a phrase, let alone composing a sentence. Translating an accomplished writer is more difficult than expressing one's own simple thoughts. I will be greateful if you indicate, and help me correct, my errors and stylistic blunders and screamers:

As I see it, the original text is very strong and succulent. Probably, you should apply to a bilingual person -- IMHO only he/she can help you in checking your translation.

Also you should at first tell people about the author and the novel, or at least to tell who was that El... Bianca. A puppy.

I, of course, cannot help you. I only will drop some remarks on the first paragraph. But I want to share with you my idea how to translate books from Russian. From my experience, I've learned the main rule -- if you want translate from Russian, your English version must be two times more clear and understandable than the original. Many things that seems clear to a Russian reader are not so clear to the English one. And probably you should use more common words, for instance instead of "bole" -> "trunk".

An exercise in transation

I strongly recommend you to learn how to use a spell checker.

Lying on wet snow in wait of a near death, Bianca suddenly remembered the smell of her mother woven from weak, barely recalled odours: of her warm thick milk, of dry hay with patches of withered bluebottles, of smokily smoldering folliage that people burned at
their summer houses that very first autumn of her commencing life.

The odour of smoldering leaves was one of the very first, and therefore special: pungent, thick, comprising all that the brief earthly life of any leaf can have imbided: from a sticky button shooting towards warmth unto a doomed descent to the cold body of
the earth. Late September was pining away, and the trees were shedding leaves all around. The mapple covered the still green
grass with a lush mandarine blanket. Lazily yet somehow in concert,
the poplars shaked off their last ashen fluff. The old willow,
whose bole only three men could embrace, littered the ground with
its tiny leaves inelegantly and widely (? -- too wide around?). But
in sunny places rowan trees were still posing daintily, clothed in
dim purple, the heavy bunches of their berries slightly touched by nightly colds, whereas a light yolkish yellow entwined the tremulous aspens.

foliage
leaf can have _imbibed_
to the cooling earth body.
maple
with a lush orange blanket
shook off

Bye, Anton!
Alexander Koryagin
english_tutor 2019

---
* Origin: nntps://fidonews.mine.nu - Lake Ylo - Finland (2:221/6.0)

On 2019 Jul 04 13:21:20, you wrote to you:

Lying on wet snow in wait of a near death, Bianca
suddenly emembered [...]

`near' does not sound well to me, but am hard put to find
one that fits the intended meaning of a death that will come
soon. A quick death may be misunderstood as having a short
duration.

"near death" means close to death... in the above passage, bianca is waiting to almost die when she remembers something...

looking up "near death experience" may help provide a little more information on the actual action but "near death" by itself just means "close to death" or "almost dead"...

just a lowly american shooting from the hip again...

)\/(ark

And to this end they built themselves a stupendous super-computer which was
so amazingly intelligent that even before its data banks had been connected
up it had started from "I think therefore I am" and got as far as deducing
the existence of rice pudding and income tax before anyone managed to turn
it off.
... Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up.
---
* Origin: (1:3634/12.73)

Alexander Koryagin:

As I see it, the original text is very strong and
succulent.

Succulent? What does that mean?

Probably, you should apply to a bilingual person -- IMHO
only he/she can help you in checking your translation.

I seek help with English.

Also you should at first tell people about the author
and the novel, or at least to tell who was that El...
Bianca. A puppy.

I know nothing about him save that he is the son of the
great Soviet writer Albert Likhanov and is considered a
follower of the Turgenev tradition. As to Bianca, I thought
it would only please the reader to realise her identity
through reading...

From my experience, I've learned the main rule -- if you
want translate from Russian, your English version must
be two times more clear and understandable than the
original.

What translations do you find good according to this
criterium?

And probably you should use more common words, for
instance instead of "bole" -> "trunk".

"trunk" is too American and modern. It does not fit into
the pastoral scene.

I strongly recommend you to learn how to use a spell checker.

If I do it, I shall unlearn spelling :P

Your corrections:

to the cold body of the earth =>
to the cooling earth body.

Why?

with a lush mandarine blanket =>
with a lush orange blanket

Have you read the original, which indeed has "orange"? I
chaged it to "mandarine" because in English "orange" is a
common color name, whereas Likhanov used the name of the
fruit rather than of the color and I wanted to emphasise
that fruit association.

shaked off =>
shook off

[red face]

---
* Origin: nntps://fidonews.mine.nu - Lake Ylo - Finland (2:221/6.0)

On 2019 Jul 05 00:55:16, you wrote to Alexander Koryagin:

with a lush mandarine blanket =>
with a lush orange blanket

Have you read the original, which indeed has "orange"? I
chaged it to "mandarine" because in English "orange" is a
common color name, whereas Likhanov used the name of the
fruit rather than of the color and I wanted to emphasise
that fruit association.

orange is also the name of a fruit in english... i love eating oranges... especially navel oranges... moreso when the navel is large enough to eat as well... like a smaller orange within a larger one :)

)\/(ark

And to this end they built themselves a stupendous super-computer which was
so amazingly intelligent that even before its data banks had been connected
up it had started from "I think therefore I am" and got as far as deducing
the existence of rice pudding and income tax before anyone managed to turn
it off.
... You know you're in YK when: the snowman begs you to take him inside at night.
---
* Origin: (1:3634/12.73)

Hi, Anton Shepelev : Alexander Koryagin!
I read your message from 05.07.2019 00:55

As I see it, the original text is very strong and succulent.

Succulent? What does that mean?

IMHO, rich, full of content. For instance, a girl with a succulent mouth. :-|

Probably, you should apply to a bilingual person -- IMHO only
he/she can help you in checking your translation.

I seek help with English.

When I translated, I translated the books for children, where the language was not so intricate. In your case, IMHO, the checker should understand the original, too. Also a good question -- will it be readable for English readers? An abstract example: we take a bright, succulent :) make-up of an Indian woman and apply it onto a Russian girl. Could it be compatible? Who knows.

<skipped>

From my experience, I've learned the main rule -- if you want
translate from Russian, your English version must be two times
more clear and understandable than the original.

What translations do you find good according to this criterium?

(criterion) I just told of my impression, that I got talking with the native English people who corrected my translations.

And probably you should use more common words, for instance
instead of "bole" - > "trunk".

"trunk" is too American and modern. It does not fit into the pastoral scene.

It is rather a question to a native English person. :)

I strongly recommend you to learn how to use a spell checker.

If I do it, I shall unlearn spelling: P

A spell checker can be used only when you want it. For instance, before sending your text to somebody, for checking. :)

Your corrections:

to the cold body of the earth =>
to the cooling earth body.

Why?

I read the original at
https://mybook.ru/author/dmitrij-lihanov/bianca/read/
It told us that the earth _started losing_ its warmth, but it was not cold then.

with a lush mandarine blanket =>
with a lush orange blanket

Have you read the original, which indeed has "orange"? I chaged it
to "mandarine" because in English "orange" is a common color name, whereas Likhanov used the name of the fruit rather than of the
color and I wanted to emphasise that fruit association.

In Russian we have the orange color which associated with orange fruit. And the author meant exactly that color ("apelsinovy", or orange, in English).

Bye, Anton!
Alexander Koryagin
english_tutor 2019

---
* Origin: nntps://fidonews.mine.nu - Lake Ylo - Finland (2:221/6.0)

)\/(ark Lewis:

with a lush mandarine blanket => with a lush orange
blanket

Have you read the original, which indeed has "orange"?
I chaged it to "mandarine" because in English "orange"
is a common color name, whereas Likhanov used the name
of the fruit rather than of the color and I wanted to
emphasise that fruit association.

orange is also the name of a fruit in english...

Russian has separate words for the fruit and the color,
whereas in English they are one. Likhanov used the fruit
word to denote the color, so I wanted an English word more
associated with the fruit than with the color, even though
it can denote both.

i love eating oranges... especially navel oranges...
moreso when the navel is large enough to eat as well...
like a smaller orange within a larger one :)

I thought it was a kind of nameless defect, but now I know
the English term -- and a good one, too!

---
* Origin: nntps://fidonews.mine.nu - Lake Ylo - Finland (2:221/6.0)

On 2019 Jul 10 01:16:10, you wrote to me:

orange is also the name of a fruit in english...

Russian has separate words for the fruit and the color,

that's interesting... i'm learning something!

can you write what the two words are? maybe i can paste them into google translate to see the differences?

whereas in English they are one. Likhanov used the fruit word to denote the color, so I wanted an English word more associated with
the fruit than with the color, even though it can denote both.

i can understand that... translating things is a special gift... especially when marking subtle tings like the difference between an orange (the fruit) and an orange color...

i love eating oranges... especially navel oranges... moreso when
the navel is large enough to eat as well... like a smaller orange
within a larger one :)

I thought it was a kind of nameless defect, but now I know the
English term -- and a good one, too!

yep! some of them aren't so good to try to eat but when they are good, they're very good ;)

)\/(ark

And to this end they built themselves a stupendous super-computer which was
so amazingly intelligent that even before its data banks had been connected
up it had started from "I think therefore I am" and got as far as deducing
the existence of rice pudding and income tax before anyone managed to turn
it off.
... Waiting for the world's applause.
---
* Origin: (1:3634/12.73)

)\/(ark Lewis to Anton Shepelev:

Russian has separate words for the fruit and the
color,

that's interesting... i'm learning something!

can you write what the two words are? maybe i can paste
them into google translate to see the differences?

The fruit is `apel'sin' (�����ᨭ), the color is
`oranzhevyj' (�࠭����). Dmitry Likhanov used the
adjective `apel'sinovyj' (�����ᨭ���). I give the Russian
spellings in KOI8-R.

i can understand that... translating things is a special
gift... especially when marking subtle tings like the
difference between an orange (the fruit) and an orange
color...

Especially especially when the orignal expresses the color
with the word for the fruit :-)

---
* Origin: nntps://fidonews.mine.nu - Lake Ylo - Finland (2:221/6.0)

Hi, Mark Lewis!
I read your message from 10.07.2019 01:28

orange is also the name of a fruit in english...

Russian has separate words for the fruit and the color,

that's interesting... i'm learning something!

can you write what the two words are? maybe i can paste them into
google translate to see the differences?

The orange color came to Russia from French orange fruit. It so happened that only the color remained.

Apelsin fruit (orange fruit) came from Holland - in Russia they thought it was an apple, and they called it by the Holland word "appel". In this way we had got the word "apelsin" and "apelsinovy cvet(color)" (which, however, is more yellowish than orange color, in Russia).

Bye, Mark!
Alexander Koryagin
english_tutor 2019

---
* Origin: nntps://fidonews.mine.nu - Lake Ylo - Finland (2:221/6.0)

Alexander Koryagin to Anton Shepelev:

Succulent? What does that mean?

IMHO, rich, full of content. For instance, a girl with
a succulent mouth. :-|

I thought it meant prickly outside and sour inside, but you
were right and I wrong.

I strongly recommend you to learn how to use a spell
checker. If I do it, I shall unlearn spelling: P

A spell checker can be used only when you want it. For
instance, before sending your text to somebody, for
checking. :)

Good idea, for it is rather annoying to see it underline
words while typing, as it is when Visual Studio starts a
perforce compilation and checking of your C# code before you
have finished the code of a function. I have no spell
checker in any of my editors: FAR, Sylpheed, and Rpad.
Shall have to use an external tool, probably.

I read the original at https://mybook.ru/author/dmitrij-lihanov/bianca/read/
It told us that the earth _started losing_ its warmth,
but it was not cold then.

Right you are, I plumb missed it.

Have you read the original, which indeed has "orange"?
I chaged it to "mandarine" because in English "orange"
is a common color name, whereas Likhanov used the name
of the fruit rather than of the color and I wanted to
emphasise that fruit association.

In Russian we have the orange color which associated
with orange fruit. And the author meant exactly that
color ("apelsinovy", or orange, in English).

Yes, but the usual word to denote that color would have been
"oranzhevyj".

---
* Origin: nntps://fidonews.mine.nu - Lake Ylo - Finland (2:221/6.0)

Alexander Koryagin:

Apelsin fruit (orange fruit) came from Holland -- in
Russia they thought it was an apple, and they called it
by the Holland word "appel".

Let me dare a conjecture (without consulting the all-knowing
DuckDuckGo) that appelsin means not merely an apple, but
rather a Chinese apple, even as `pomodoro' means a golden
apple.

In this way we had got the word "apelsin" and
"apelsinovy cvet(color)" (which, however, is more
yellowish than orange color, in Russia).

Now you are teaching me Russian. I never knew the
distinction existed. How did you learn about it, and
whence?

---
* Origin: nntps://fidonews.mine.nu - Lake Ylo - Finland (2:221/6.0)

Hi, Alexander Koryagin!
I read your message from 11.07.2019 10:14

A spell checker can be used only when you want it. For instance,
before sending your text to somebody, for checking.

Good idea, for it is rather annoying to see it underline words
while typing, as it is when Visual Studio starts a perforce
compilation and checking of your C# code before you have finished
the code of a function. I have no spell checker in any of my
editors: FAR, Sylpheed, and Rpad. Shall have to use an external
tool, probably.

When I used MultiEdit editor, without a spell checker, I often used MS Word for the final checks. Also I've been using Thunderbird news reader -- it has many addons, among them there are spell checkers.

Bye, Alexander!
Alexander Koryagin
english_tutor 2019

---
* Origin: nntps://fidonews.mine.nu - Lake Ylo - Finland (2:221/6.0)

Hi, Anton Shepelev!
I read your message from 11.07.2019 00:03

Apelsin fruit (orange fruit) came from Holland -- in Russia they
thought it was an apple, and they called it by the Holland
word "appel".

Let me dare a conjecture (without consulting the all-knowing
DuckDuckGo) that appelsin means not merely an apple, but rather a
Chinese apple, even as!?! pomodoro' means a golden apple.

Apel (apple, Holland) Sien(Holland, Chinese)

In this way we had got the word "apelsin" and "apelsinovy
cvet(color)" (which, however, is more yellowish than orange color,
in Russia).

Now you are teaching me Russian. I never knew the distinction
existed. How did you learn about it, and whence?

I read it here:
http://tinyurl.com/y4da3o3w

Bye, Anton!
Alexander Koryagin
english_tutor 2019

---
* Origin: nntps://fidonews.mine.nu - Lake Ylo - Finland (2:221/6.0)